The doctor didn’t say anything about monkeys jumping on the bed, but he wanted me to tell you it SUCKS when your kids are sick. There’s usually two paths this situation takes…spoiler alert, neither one is all that great.

Option 1: Well, at least just one of them is sick.

This is quite possibly the worst scenario. Let me tell you why. You have two toddlers, we’ll refer to them as Twin A and Twin B. All of the sudden, Twin A wakes up with a fever and isn’t feeling like himself (I mean, when he sits in your lap at the splash pad instead of trying to dump water on you, you know something is wrong).

You spend the following day comforting Twin A. This means your productive window of time during a nap is gone (because you’re holding Twin A), and you will most likely end up sharing your bed with a third person (who sleeps horizontally, on top of you, and periodically slams his very heavy head down on your face).

But don’t forget, you still have another kid. While Twin B loves to line up his cars (and then line them up again and again in different formations) and won’t turn down an episode of Mickey Mouse Racers, there are times that he’s bouncing off the walls because he desperately wants to go outside and burn all his pent up energy.

Twin B is also not self-sufficient yet and a guy’s gotta eat. And because Twin A has a full blown meltdown when you put him down for even just a few seconds, that means you’re taking those chicken tenders out of the oven while holding a 28lb toddler…really testing your arm strength (and patience).

Oh, and here’s the kicker. They are in each other’s hula hoops all day long. Saying, “don’t drink out of your brother’s water bottle, he’s sick!” doesn’t mean squat to these two. So prepare yourself: Twin B (and maybe even you) is a ticking time bomb because invariably he will get sick too. Mark my words, and just wait a few days. And then ya gotta go through the whole process over again. Good luck.

Let me tell you a funny story. This scenario played out in our house last fall. Picture this. We’re living in a 1,000sqft apartment, and my dear husband tests positive for COVID. While Ryan quarantines in our bedroom, Nick wakes up with a fever and sleeps with me for few nights on a twin air mattress I camped out on in the living room. Jack has a serious case of FOMO and develops a fever as well…and sleeps with me too. Guess who ended up with COVID the following week? Yep, yours truly.

Option 2: If they’re both sick at once, at least you’re getting it over with quickly!

This is hilarious. I’m sure anyone with twins or with kids close in age can relate.

As a mom, you often feel like there’s never enough of you to go around so each kid is getting what they need in that exact moment. Well, multiply this x100 when your twins are sick. I think my lap is a pretty good size (still trying to work off that baby weight and the quarantine 15…or maybe I should just stop eating fast food), but it’s never big enough when two sick babies need to share the space.

This has only happened once (knock on every wood surface you can find) when the boys were about 7 months old. Of course it was when Ryan was working night shifts, but thankfully my parents were visiting. My mom and I took turns holding the boys throughout the night and sitting in a steamy bathroom because they were so congested.

I think my mom narrowly escaped any sickness (her immune system is probably stronger than mine because she’s been a mom a lot longer than me), but I was tested for strep a few days later. Ah, joys of motherhood…those sick cuddles are all nice and sweet until you end up getting sick yourself.

I’m going to tell you a secret, too. The four words you don’t want to hear at the doctor’s office (after you’ve suffered through all of the above) are: “it’s just a virus!” This means you’re in it for the long haul. Buckle up and continue to treat those symptoms, my friend. Also, nothing is longer than the 10 days you have to bribe your kid to take amoxicillin (two times every day, woof). Godspeed.

Just so ya know, no one will judge you if you get so desperate that you Door Dash McDonalds (and your delivery charge is more than the meal itself), or if you add a few things to your Amazon cart while you’re in the trenches.